Turn On It, Tune Out, Drop In

S WIND 40 KT WITH GUSTS TO 50 KT.
EASING TO SW 20 TO 25 KT IN THE AFTERNOON.
COMBINED SEAS BUILDING TO 19 FT DOMINANT PERIOD 10 SECONDS.

Beaches and breaks up and down the coast are showing increased fecal bacteria levels, which is the norm following heavy rainfall and flooding...
Some popular North and Central Coast spots showing on average about 170 parts per million...
One South Coast bay has levels from 435 to 620 parts per million...no smiling kids, even though I have it on good authority that it's going off there.

Here's a good lesson on results, a local report:

...it's flooding real bad...A few of us went down to try to score at XX, but there was just too much water moving...opted for the Zod on the [river]. For shits and giggles...we [thought we might do] a little tow boarding. Once up river a bit, towing seemed like a real bad idea, the water was brutal...it looked like cowshit and smelled like cowshit. Couple that with the minefield of debris flying down the river and it was a no go fo...As we came back through downtown the smell of cowshit dropped off and was replaced by oil slicks while retaining it's cowshit appearance. For whatever reason this seemed better to me and I decide to jump into the river and give it a shot. Everything started out pretty smoothly when out of the blue I open my mouth as I'm hitting my feet and take a big gulp of the cowshit and fuel infested water. Before I have time to even realize what happened I swallow the brown watery treat.

My reward you ask?

Endless burning mud butt. An ear infection. Gut wrenching vomit.

The ear I can handle, it's just an inconvenience really. The vomiting is more of a hassle as it is a total waste of food. The mud butt on the other hand, has made my world a very small place.

It's like someone removed my stomach and replaced it with a straight pipe from my mouth to my a-hole. Not a regular pipe either. No this pipe has some sort of heater and grinder on it that takes the food and mudifies it then heats it up to about 300 degrees before turning it loose on my poor unsuspecting bung.

I can't stray too far from the crapper now. A car ride can turn into a tooth grinding battle as I try to keep the gates shut.

I figure I have about 2 months before I'm dead.